Wondering in the Wilderness
I accepted Christ when I was 6, married at age 18 in 1968 and then began my downward spiral into the entrenchment of sin and the depth of my pit - Manic Depression, satan had a hold of me in a big way. I didn't know what was wrong with me and for over 26 years I was convinced I just wasn't happy and that my depression came from my mother and father, at least that's what doctor's and so called counselors told me. During my marriage I was always very involved in church but I now know I was just being busy. Oh I was doing good things and I enjoyed those times of serving in my church home but I was still unhappy. After 26 years of marriage I asked for a divorce and moved to Dallas in 1995. Family and friends were extremely shocked as we had always appeared to be the happy couple. I always said I was a great actress with a mask that hid my true identity. My husband was a good man and I destroyed our marriage and confused our son. After I moved my downward spiral went deeper and deeper into my pit of depression. I self medicated with alcohol, drugs etc., I was a mess. I tried going to church after I moved but satan gave me a panic attack so bad I never went back. I ran from God for almost 13 years like Jonah tried running from God. You can run but you can't hide but I tried my hardest. Funny thing, I still had a remnant of faith and I now know that God had never left me, I left HIM. My son and daughter-in-law had moved to a town a little north of Dallas and they had found a church they were really excited about. They kept inviting me and finally I went, really just to hush them up. It was March 2007 and by this time I was on 6 maximum dose depression medications. I was literally a walking zombie so I never expected to get anything particular from the sermon but I was so very wrong. God had other plans for me that day and when HIS perfect timing comes there is no stopping the execution of HIS plan. I can't tell you what the sermon was about although I still have the sermon notes I took which was an amazing thing for me to have done. God had hooked me like a fisherman reeling in the big one and the Holy Spirit had filled me with such desire to hear more that I returned the next Sunday the next and am still at this church to this day that God placed me in, a women well spiritually, emotionally and happy as a dead pig in the sunshine, so we say in Texas. God's miracle: HE healed me!! May 2007 I was off all depression medications. Romans 6:23 "the wages of sin is death" but Glory Hallelujah CHRIST shed blood on that cross washed me whiter than snow. HE has performed so many miracles for me since 2007 and I have no doubt HE will continue but I'm here to tell you there are NO HOPELESS situations. Do I still have struggles, of course, Jesus said we would because of the fallen world we live in but HE is my strength, my hope. Whatever you're facing don't give up, don't run away from CHRIST but run to HIM. HE love's you and is waiting with open arms. Remember you can't out sin the grace of God and you've done nothing so bad that HE won't forgive you. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Grab on to JESUS and hold on with all you've got for this life's most amazing journey that will lead you to your eternal life and home with HIM. You'll never regret it - I didn't.