This is my story

My parents were protestant and happily married. Dad a preacher's son, Mom from a broken, troubled home, I was the fourth of four sisters, our youngest and fifth sister born ten years after me. We elder sisters grew up, married but only the oldest married a Christian man. The rest of us, even our youngest sis married men who did not know Christ or practice morals. The eldest of us waited, the Lord showed her a man of great goodness, she had dated many a guy but none respected her. The rest of us married, selfish abusive men. Our youngest sister's husband is serving three more years in prison for molestation of their son, the other two girls where why he went to prison in the first place. Recently, it was revealed to me that my third older sister's husband was also a violator, and then, I too found out that my own husband had molested our daughters in their youth. My husband asked me to marry him after we had been out of high school for about four years, looking back on that moment now, I wonder why! He must have lied to me that he loved me, for after marriage to him, having known him as a nighbor in Junior high and High school and even went steady with him, prior to our years together in matramony, I can not understand why he asked me to marry him at last. There was love but it died out of me after years of meaness toward me, and years of bawling out for spending money on common needs like food. One day, as I drove home from the store, I had a feeling that something was going to go wrong for me that day, I was stopped at the corner of our road to home and waiting for safe passage to turn. I looked up and saw a face of cloud. The most perfect face I had ever seen. The forhead perfectly and beautifly formed, the nose beautifully formed, the cheekbones and shape of face too, and the lips perfect! A mustache and chin so perfect but the eyes were covered with a veil of fog or cloud and were not visable to me. I sat at the corner of the road to our rual area and marvled at this sight! I wished I'd had a camera but it would have had to be a good camera to pick up such a marvelous sight before my eyes. I wanted to stay at that coner and stare longer up at this amazing cloud before my eyes. But the cars were building up behind me, and the way was clear to go, At that time we had no traffic lights, it was an uncontroled three way stop. Later I got home, still wondering why the eyes had been veiled, just the eyes, I saw my husband's car in the yard. He had called but since I didn't answer, he excused asked to go home early, he was a welder for the milliarty and also a National Guardsmen, and could take off with permisson from his boss on any given day, I knew I was probably in for it, I had our fourth child with me in her car seat/carry seat and I got her out and came in with the diaper bag and some of the things I had to buy for our children like clothes and things. I had a tendancy to shop thrift stores to save money. He began to yell at me and shout how I didnt have permission to go today, and how I was wrecking the family by doing it! I began to cry and our baby daughter began to cry too because she was hungry. I took out the bottle that I had for her in the diaper bag and gave it too her once I settled her in my lap. As my husband yelled and shouted at me for spending HIS money, I looked deep into our baby daughter's beautiful hazle brown eyes and tried to sink as deeply as I could with my gaze into them to escape the noisom roaring of the man that said he loved me and wanted to marry me. As I gazed deeply in her eyes, suddenly my eyes meet the face of Jesus. It was him. I know it. And he looked at me so tenderly and kindly that I felt as if I was in a kind of peace that could heal the brokenness I felt from my husband's years of resentment and constant threats of devorce and how I would loose the children and our things and have to go live with my parents. I knew what I was. A sinner and perhaps all the things my husband accused me of! But I had been true to him even to this day. I had never loved anyone else but him. But he had done alot of cheating, even with our own daughters, when this same daughter became about seven, he used her as he had our oldest daughter. I don't know how many women he had turned to after I married him, but more than a few. Even a coworker at the military automotive dept was one of his distractions, but she told him to stay away from her! He told me about her saying that to him, but I didn't know why. She later left her job and went into therapy. After this daughter had reached 21, and after the first of this year, she asked me to come in her room and she said to me she could stand it no longer she had to tell me something. Then she told me about what her Dad my husband had done to her and our older daughter. I was so sorry I ever thought he was in love with me and I was so sorry I trusted him. Like my older sister, I should have waited for the Lord. But though I didn't, he upheld us through this horror that my husband put me and my children through. I often recall the sight of the face made of cloud and the sight of Jesus which I saw when I looked in this younger daughter's eyes, and how I looked away, because I knew I was a sinner and ashamed of myself as a person, yet Jesus did not look away from me nor turn away. He did not judge me or scow, he looked at me sweetly, forgivingly, and gentle! I even found a Bible verse that answered perhaps why the eyes of the face of cloud had veiled eyes. This is the Bible verse I found after that day; Isaiah 54:8 "I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you, says the Lord your redeemer" . A person's eyes have always been the most frightening part of a person's face for me, because I often saw judgement in them for me and rejection. I was awkward as a girl and teen and then as a young woman. I learned not to look into people's eyes because of the level of rejection I often met with. So I tended to shy away from looking people in the eyes even to this day. I have only told this story to my two younger daughters, the youngest one was born in '96, and was the last one to be born full term and alive. Out of 8 children, I have five living. These children are all the love I have in this marriage. My husband still gets into times when he whines how unhappy he is and wants a devorce, or that he will go home to his Mother. He is mentally ill, and now that he is on meds, it helps but doesnt cure it, of course. It is a hard life for us all because of it. Thank you for reading.
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About Me

Terie Jean Carney
United States
My parents were protestant and happily married. Dad a preacher's son, Mom from a broken, troubled home, I was the fourth of four sisters, our youngest and fifth sister born ten years after me. We elder sisters grew up, married but only the oldest married a Christian man. The rest of us, even our youngest sis married men who did not know Christ or practice morals. The eldest of us waited, the Lord showed her a man of great goodness, she had dated many a guy but none respected her. The rest of us married, selfish abusive men. Our youngest sister's husband is serving three more years in prison for molestation of their son, the other two girls where why he went to prison in the first place. Recently, it was revealed to me that my third older sister's husband was also a violator, and then, I too found out that my own husband had molested our daughters in their youth. My husband asked me to marry him after we had been out of high school for about four years, looking back on that moment now, I wonder why! He must have lied to me that he loved me, for after marriage to him, having known him as a nighbor in Junior high and High school and even went steady with him, prior to our years together in matramony, I can not understand why he asked me to marry him at last. There was love but it died out of me after years of meaness toward me, and years of bawling out for spending money on common needs like food. One day, as I drove home from the store, I had a feeling that something was going to go wrong for me that day, I was stopped at the corner of our road to home and waiting for safe passage to turn. I looked up and saw a face of cloud. The most perfect face I had ever seen. The forhead perfectly and beautifly formed, the nose beautifully formed, the cheekbones and shape of face too, and the lips perfect! A mustache and chin so perfect but the eyes were covered with a veil of fog or cloud and were not visable to me. I sat at the corner of the road to our rual area and marvled at this sight! I wished I'd had a camera but it would have had to be a good camera to pick up such a marvelous sight before my eyes. I wanted to stay at that coner and stare longer up at this amazing cloud before my eyes. But the cars were building up behind me, and the way was clear to go, At that time we had no traffic lights, it was an uncontroled three way stop. Later I got home, still wondering why the eyes had been veiled, just the eyes, I saw my husband's car in the yard. He had called but since I didn't answer, he excused asked to go home early, he was a welder for the milliarty and also a National Guardsmen, and could take off with permisson from his boss on any given day, I knew I was probably in for it, I had our fourth child with me in her car seat/carry seat and I got her out and came in with the diaper bag and some of the things I had to buy for our children like clothes and things. I had a tendancy to shop thrift stores to save money. He began to yell at me and shout how I didnt have permission to go today, and how I was wrecking the family by doing it! I began to cry and our baby daughter began to cry too because she was hungry. I took out the bottle that I had for her in the diaper bag and gave it too her once I settled her in my lap. As my husband yelled and shouted at me for spending HIS money, I looked deep into our baby daughter's beautiful hazle brown eyes and tried to sink as deeply as I could with my gaze into them to escape the noisom roaring of the man that said he loved me and wanted to marry me. As I gazed deeply in her eyes, suddenly my eyes meet the face of Jesus. It was him. I know it. And he looked at me so tenderly and kindly that I felt as if I was in a kind of peace that could heal the brokenness I felt from my husband's years of resentment and constant threats of devorce and how I would loose the children and our things and have to go live with my parents. I knew what I was. A sinner and perhaps all the things my husband accused me of! But I had been true to him even to this day. I had never loved anyone else but him. But he had done alot of cheating, even with our own daughters, when this same daughter became about seven, he used her as he had our oldest daughter. I don't know how many women he had turned to after I married him, but more than a few. Even a coworker at the military automotive dept was one of his distractions, but she told him to stay away from her! He told me about her saying that to him, but I didn't know why. She later left her job and went into therapy. After this daughter had reached 21, and after the first of this year, she asked me to come in her room and she said to me she could stand it no longer she had to tell me something. Then she told me about what her Dad my husband had done to her and our older daughter. I was so sorry I ever thought he was in love with me and I was so sorry I trusted him. Like my older sister, I should have waited for the Lord. But though I didn't, he upheld us through this horror that my husband put me and my children through. I often recall the sight of the face made of cloud and the sight of Jesus which I saw when I looked in this younger daughter's eyes, and how I looked away, because I knew I was a sinner and ashamed of myself as a person, yet Jesus did not look away from me nor turn away. He did not judge me or scow, he looked at me sweetly, forgivingly, and gentle! I even found a Bible verse that answered perhaps why the eyes of the face of cloud had veiled eyes. This is the Bible verse I found after that day; Isaiah 54:8 "I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you, says the Lord your redeemer" . A person's eyes have always been the most frightening part of a person's face for me, because I often saw judgement in them for me and rejection. I was awkward as a girl and teen and then as a young woman. I learned not to look into people's eyes because of the level of rejection I often met with. So I tended to shy away from looking people in the eyes even to this day. I have only told this story to my two younger daughters, the youngest one was born in '96, and was the last one to be born full term and alive. Out of 8 children, I have five living. These children are all the love I have in this marriage. My husband still gets into times when he whines how unhappy he is and wants a devorce, or that he will go home to his Mother. He is mentally ill, and now that he is on meds, it helps but doesnt cure it, of course. It is a hard life for us all because of it. Thank you for reading.

Inspired by Max Lucado's book, God's Story, Your Story.

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