Watching God rebuild our home

My name is Crystal and I was born and raised in Upland California. My childhood was amazing, we have a very close family and everything was great. I never once witnessed my parents argue, they always seemed to get along perfect, and still do till this day. I had some insecurities growing up as a child, always worrying about what others thought of me and trying to please others. As I entered in to Highschool my life of partying started. When this all l started I wanted to be able to fit in, that's where my insecurities lied, I felt like if I didn't party along with everyone I wouldn't fit in. Then it just grew in to something I wanted to do and was having fun doing it. I had a boyfriend in Highschool of three years and I would be happy if all was good with the two of us. If we were arguing or something I would be miserable. I never once was happy with just me. My happiness always relied on others. My boyfriend and I broke up when I was 19 years old. I met my husband when I was 20 years old. He was so charming and easy to love in the beginning. It wasn't until I fell in love with him did things seem to head down hill. We would go through fights and break ups constantly. We would always end up back together. When I was 23 years old I found out I was pregnant. James and I got married. I stopped my partying due to my pregnancy but he continued and it caused all kinds of turmoil in our home. When my daughter was one years old he decided to get help. We started going to church and we were in the church for 3 years, we had my first son during that time and things were good. We then began to make compromises with things and we walked away from God. We began partying again and that was the focus of most our free time. James and I were gradually growing apart. I got pregnant with my second son and during that time he was involved in an affair. We pushed that under the rug, had our baby and another affair began. We still tried to make it work and went through two years of counseling. Things appeared to be good but we still had God pushed to the side. Several years later I got pregnant with my third son. James and I had been growing apart for so many years. Though this entire time I continued with my insecurities. I was the same with my husband as I was with my boyfriend in highschool, if we were ok I was happy and if we were not I was a mess. My happiness continued to only rely on others. As mentioned above my childhood was so great that when something went wrong in my life or my marriage I didn't know how to deal with it so I just always wanted a quick fix. That is actually so damaging in life, marriage, and any relationship. I wasn't until about a year ago did I find out that my husband was involved in another affair. This time it involved my family, my nieces friend. This caused so much turmoil in my entire family. I was done, I had had enough. I was at the court house filing for a divorce the day after I found this out. He begged me to stay, that our lives would be so much different and we will one day be helping others with marriage problems. I didn't believe him. When I got to the front of the line with my paper work it wasn't filled out properly so I was told I had to take it home and complete it and bring it back the following Monday. I am currently in the RN program and I was at this time also. By the time Monday came around I had decided there was no way I could go through this while in school, I would never pass, especially with all the mediation that's involved for custody with the kids. I decided I would wait until I was done with school but I was still going through with the divorce. I didn't love him anymore, I was disgusted with him.
Several months prior to this I was back attending church but not fully committed to the Lord. It was this last time that the pain was so extremely intense, I felt I could die of heartache for myself and my children. I cried out to God daily to take this pain away. My husband during these times was staying with his dad and had already began his transformation. He just seemed different and kept trying to prove to me things would be different this time. A couple months later when I thought I didn't love him anymore, I realized God had other plans for us. I got this overwhelming feeling of love all over again for him. I expressed that to him but we still remained separated for a couple more months. James has now been home for eight months and we are on fire for the Lord. We have both individually went to Christian counseling, and together marriage counseling through our church. We are now currently in bible studies of our own and a couples study. We are ministering to others already about our story and have visions of one day being in the healing ministry at our church and possibly writing a book. James is in the children's ministry and we are both growing daily. The transformation of our family amazes me everyday.
I always thought with our marriage if he got help and got fixed our marriage would be good. Little to my knowledge did I know God would reveal stuff about myself that needed to be fixed. I never use to encourage my husband nor ever give him positive feedback and lift him up. I was always negative towards him. This is also damaging to a marriage. I now have a transformed heart. I feel confident about myself and no longer have insecurities that I once had. I believe I am worth so much and worth being respected and treated well. I forgive my husband 100% and yes that can not come from any human. It is something supernatural by trusting and having faith in the Lord. James and I have been through everything that is designed to tear marriages apart but God intervened and transformed our lives. Something I never believed could happen, but with God all things are possible and he is able to turn all our turmoil into good. This is so amazing to me. Although we traveled through many years of terrible storms I have never been happier as a person and in my marriage. We are now best friends and closer than ever. I now believe that we will help others. One might say I'm so sorry you went through this, but I am here to say that I am not sorry. I am who I am today because of what we went through. Our marriage has never been better. My kids can say we went through something terrible but God brought us back on top and I love that. I honestly believe that God allowed our lives to crumble so that he could get a hold of our hearts again, and he sure did get a hold of us and in a way like never before.
I know there are thousands of people out there that may be experiencing this same kind of storm or have in the past. I am here to encourage you and say God can do all things, never give up hope and faith. Even in the worst of marriages our Lord can fix them so press in to God and start working on yourselves first and all things come together for your good. I would like to share a song that carried me through some of the worst of times and that is ,I need you now, by Plumb, if you haven't heard it look it up. I now also like to hear Restore, by Chris August, because after years of insecurities and turmoil with my husband, I can proudly say we finally realized we need Jesus in the middle, and now were watching God rebuild our homes. God bless everyone...xoxo
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About Me

crystal clyburn
United States
My name is Crystal Clyburn and I have been married for 18 years, we have four beautiful children. One girl that is 18 and three boys, 14, 11, and 7. James and I have had years of struggles but we finally realized we need Jesus in the middle. God is now in the midst of our lives and is rebuilding our home.

Inspired by Max Lucado's book, God's Story, Your Story.

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